A Christmas Story

snowglobeMany years ago, there was a mother.  No, a mommy, really.  There was a mommy and she loved her little girls.  She wanted to start a new Christmas tradition that was all theirs, something special they would look forward to every year.

“A snow globe!” she exclaimed with delight.  “I’ll choose just the right special snow globes, one for each of my two girls!”

And so it had begun.

Every year, the mother would search high and low for the perfect snow globes.  Some of them were very expensive!  But the joy on the face of the children was worth ten times the price.  Each year, the little girls were excited to discover what sort of snow globe Santa had chosen for them that year.

And so it continued.

The mother had more daughters and folded them into the snow globe tradition.  Eventually, she was buying five snow globes for five daughters.  One year, she thought she spotted an eye roll when the snow globe was unwrapped.  Maybe not.  Perhaps she imagined it.  None the less, there wasn’t the same magic around the snow globes anymore.

When she had to have a new wing built onto her home for the storage and display of all the wonderful snow globes, she began to suspect she had a problem.  While it was true she had no cats at all, it was clear she was in the running as the crazy snow globe lady.  Still, she couldn’t stop.

In 2005 came the realization that two of the daughters had moved out into their own places and taken no snow globes with them.  What could this mean?  Had the tradition outworn its welcome?  Was the snow globe magic gone?  And if Armageddon were to occur, could the family even drink the water from the globes for survival?  What good were the damn snow globes anyway?  Stupid tradition!

If only she had saved all the boxes, then the snow globes would have retained their value.  She could have sold them all on eBay to other crazy snow globe collectors and perhaps raised the $2,800 necessary to buy a Wii on the black market.  Live and learn, she thought to herself.  Live. And. Learn.

Alas, the snow globe tradition ended after 2005 but each year when Christmas was imminent, the mother had to stop herself from window shopping.  From stopping in the San Francisco Music Box Company store and touching the beautiful globes on the shelves.  From visiting the Disney site’s snow globe section.  From thinking about the snow globe tradition and how much it had meant to her, to them, when it was at its peak.

Sometimes at night she’d go into the special snow globe wing of the house (which was really not a wing at all but a set of glass-doored shelves in the little girls’ bedroom – pardon the literary license) and looked at them… the Tinkerbell one from when Amber was crazy for Tink, the Eeyore one which was Katie’s favorite character from Winnie the Pooh, the carousel horse one when Katie was into carousel horses,  the dolphin when Amber was into dolphins, the Noah’s Ark one for Sarah’s first Christmas, the ones with the girls’ college mascots from when they were in college, and so many more.  All those snow globes, all those years.  Each one representing a special Christmas memory, a special time in the lives of these girls.  These wonderful girls.  So many years collecting them.

Sometimes she would lift one up, blow the dust from its dome, and wind the key on the bottom just a little, just enough to hear a few seconds from “It’s a Small World After All” or “You Are the Wind Beneath my Wings”.  Maybe from “Brahms’ Lullaby” or “Fur Elise” or any number of other sentimental and sappy tunes.  Snow globes always have sentimental and sappy tunes.  That’s the part that makes the mother cry, right?  Those sentimental and sappy tunes… hard to keep a dry eye.  Because of the tunes, you know.

Late one night, when everyone else was sleeping, the mother snuck online and found a beautiful snow globe with Big Nutbrown Hare and Little Nutbrown Hare that said “Guess How Much I Love You” on the front.  Quietly, quickly, when no one was looking, she snuck it into her shopping cart and did a swift check out.  When the package arrives, she will open it in private, listen to the “Ode to Joy” music that comes out when she winds it up, and then she’ll sneak it onto the shelves behind the glass doors in the little girls’ room.  It will be her secret – no one else needs to know.

And they lived happily ever after.

By |December 12th, 2007|Indiscriminate Drivel, The Parent Hood|Comments Off on A Christmas Story

And the Hallmark family is a little bit richer…

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there… all of you who smiled and hugged your children for making you breakfast in bed and then spent the next 3 hours cleaning up the mess they left behind.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you step-mothers, for you are a vital part of the lives of our children and yet oft unheralded and unappreciated.  Thank you for playing mother, for doing all the crappy parts of the job and never getting the spotlight that occasionally passes by, for it passes most often over the biological mother.

Happy Mother’s Day to you mothers-in-waiting, some waiting in great pain and hope and anticipation.  You are mothers in your hearts, just waiting for your dream to be fulfilled and this day is for you to share.  Here’s hoping next year on this day, your arms or your wombs are full as are your hearts.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you fathers who are mothers, for I know you are out there (as are all those mothers who are fathers.)  You cook and clean and give baths and kiss boo-boos and give up the last piece of pie to a 3 year old with a quivering bottom lip.  You are counted amongst us mothers.

Happy Mother’s Day to the mothers of the future, the daughters of today.  You will someday rise up to nurture our next generation, to balance preschool graduations and business trips and clean floors and the unending energy of boys and the non-stop drama of girls and pay the bills and nurture your own spirit.

This Mother’s Day will be held dearly for me for the rest of my life.  This weekend, I received the best Mother’s Day gift ever (and I don’t mean the candle bought from the country store while we waited for our table at Cracker Barrel!)  This weekend, I watched my daughter graduate from the University of Missouri at Columbia, from their School of Journalism.  I gathered my family around me and we laughed and cried and wondered where the time went.

I’ve been scarce lately – I was in New York all last week and I get on a plane again tomorrow morning in addition to going out of town for the graduation in between.  If you assumed I was spent, tired, stretched to capacity, anxious, and falling short in a myriad of ways at home, you’d be right.  I just need to get through the next four days and I should be able to pull myself back out of this.

Even so, Bill and I are in a really good place right now and the home life in general seems stable and strong.  This graduation has brought up a lot of issues around our family dynamic, how my ex-husband and I coexist for our grown children’s milestones, and I just made it over a very big hurdle in that regard.

For today, I’m just stopping by to say Happy Mother’s Day.  I have cookies in the oven, a suitcase to pack, baths to give, all before I collapse for some much-needed sleep.

In other words, it’s all business-as-usual around here.

By |May 13th, 2007|Indiscriminate Drivel|Comments Off on And the Hallmark family is a little bit richer…

A mom by any other name loves just as much…

mamaWhat’s in a name?

Well, if the name is some version of a word that refers to that woman who gave you birth (or in some cases the one whom you love as much even if she didn’t give birth to you herself), there is a lot evidently.

In honor of Mother’s Day, I thought I’d talk a little bit about the progression of this name in my household.  The snapshot of the moment looks like this:  Mom, Mom, Mother, Mommy, Mama (or Mom-mom).  That’s what my girls call me.  I know there will be a day when they will all probably call me just Mom, assuming they call me at all.  Right now, I’m rather holding onto some of the other titles hoping they don’t pass me by too quickly without me appreciating them enough.

It all starts out pretty much the same.  A cute bubble-blowing baby who is fascinated with her toes will one day utter a syllable that may be just about anything but to a mother’s ear, it is MA.  And she goes crazy!  She said my name!  I heard it!  The baby said MA!  (This, for the record, is even sweeter if the baby hasn’t yet said DA.)  Eventually, that syllable does resemble the word Ma.  How sweet is it to know that your baby recognizes you through language?

Eventually Ma becomes Mama.  Oh, I love Mama.  It’s baby talk, but it’s clearly, indisputably, a designation for only ME.  I am Mama.  The word Mama comes out when she cries and is in need of comfort.  Mama is called upon to rescue her when her sister is trying to color her in with markers or roll her up in the rug.  Mama is important and necessary, all-knowing and all-doing.  Mama is a good phase.  I love being Mama.

The transition from babyhood to toddlerhood, in this house, seems to be marked by my moniker changing from Mama to Mommy.  I don’t really understand how they all know to do this, but they do.  Maybe from books or TV?  However it happens, each time it does happen.  I turn from Mama to Mommy and I’m OK with this.  Mommy is still cute, it retains some of its babyishness.

I know a few things about why Mommy might become preferred to Mama.  It is easier for a tantruming daughter to draw it out into a full wail “Moooommmeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…….”  It’s easier to repeat a million times in a row while pulling on my pant leg and trying to get me to talk to her instead of the person on the phone.  “Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?”  It’s easier to scream from the bathroom in desperation “MOMMEEEEEEE- I need you to WIPE me!”

There are days I never want to hear Mommy again.  There are days I swear if I hear it even just ONE more time, my head would literally explode right there (literally!).

But then one day Mommy gives way to Mom and it takes me only about 2 seconds to miss Mommy and yearn to have it back.  I think the transition from Mommy to Mom means something but I can’t quite put my finger on it.  It means I’ve become less important, somehow.  I’m needed less.  I’ve gone from 2 syllables to 1 – my role diminished just like my title.  I’m just MOM.  Instead of being her everything, instead of being in the starring role, I’m suddenly just the stage manager.  Behind the scenes.  Necessary to make it all happen but not called out for a bow at the end of the day.

It’s only when Mom gives way to Mother (or, more accurately, muh-THER! said with that exact right amount of girl-attitude) that I miss Mom.  Gawd, I hate the muh-THER phase.  Ugh.  If you’re lucky, that doesn’t last too terribly long.  Following that, one is happy to be returned to Mom status once again.

Then, as they get bigger and busier and more independent and less available, sometimes you’re just glad to be called upon at all.  Even if it’s “Hey, you.” well, you’ll take it.  That’s why college kids get away with sucking up so much cash from their parents.  It’s the way the parent continues to hear her name.  “Mom, can I have some cash to get me through until payday?”  “Mom, I can’t quite cover rent, can you help me out?”  And you’re glad to because, well, because she said that magic word.  MOM.

I know that there is this attitude that motherhood isn’t well-appreciated in this country, in this world.  That our value isn’t fully recognized.  That it’s somehow not enough to identify ourselves as “just” moms, or to be stay-at-home moms, or mommy bloggers or whatever.

To me, it’s enough.  When someone asks me who I am, I identify myself as Linda, wife and mother.  Those are the roles that define me.  The rest of the roles I play are just supporting ones.  My starring role, the one I want on the playbill, is MOM, MOTHER, MOMMY, MAMA, MA.  And no matter what my child calls me, when I look at her I clearly see every age and every stage of her life… I see her as a baby, a toddler, a preschooler, a child, a pre-teen, a teen, and in a couple of wonderful cases, I already get to see my child as a grown woman.

I don’t care what they call me, as long as they call me.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mamas and mommies and mammies and mothers and matres and whatever-other-name you might be called.

Plus a very special postscript to those of you who are mothers to be, those trying to get pregnant, those who get pregnant easily but have had difficulty staying pregnant, those who are trying to adopt, those who are both trying to get pregnant and trying to adopt…  To anyone who has motherhood in her heart but not yet in her life or had motherhood in her life and lost it – I think of you and wish nothing more than swift success in your journey and peace in your hearts.  Happy Mother’s Day to you, too.  I hope that one day soon your arms embrace the results of your heart’s most precious wish.

And another shout out to those who are missing their own mothers, either because they’ve left this world or in cases where they are still here yet physically or emotionally far-removed.  It’s surely difficult for you to mourn that which you do not have while also trying to celebrate that which you do.  Strength to you…

Man, this motherhood stuff is complex, huh?

By |May 12th, 2006|Indiscriminate Drivel, The Parent Hood|Comments Off on A mom by any other name loves just as much…