If they made a movie about my life, I’m pretty sure Sally Field would play me. First off, because she’s adorable just like me. Secondly, she played Sybil so she has experience covering multiple personalities. And lastly, because she stood accepting an award in front of the world and cried out “You like me, you really do!” This last part is important. It’s how I know Sally and I are sympatico on the topic of feeling like we’re never enough.

Today I saw this quote:

I not only saw it, I posted it to Facebook. It’s one of those sly posts that says “I want you to think about...” when it really means “I want me to think about…” So I thought about. I thought… I wonder if the people reading my post on Facebook will realize this is self-directed?

I am not oblivious to how I am perceived. I’m sure to some, I seem like a pretty together person. I’m fairly successful in my career. I’m financially secure. I am goal-driven and have some pretty cool personal accomplishments under my belt. I’ve traveled to interesting places. My writing has occasionally gotten published in places other than on my mom’s refrigerator. I’ve recently started doing a little stand-up comedy, took a shot at writing a song, and I even do yoga now. Mostly because I like the pants, but still – it counts.

On top of all that, I’m gorgeous and hilarious and brilliant – just ask me! What more could a person aspire to be, right??

So why do I keep focusing on all the things I’m not rather than the things that I am? Why do I keep letting that insecure little sniveling girl drive my bus? She can’t even see over the steering wheel! She will, however, rattle off a list of reasons why I’m not good enough. She wants to know – would you like it alphabetically or by category? Please advise.

In reality, she’s not the only one who drives my bus. It is quite often driven by the Chairman of the JustLinda Ways and Means Committee. She’s quite capable. She handles things. She handles everything. She’d handle you, too, so you’d better steer clear. She’d reduce you to a list of pros and cons. She’s judgmental and bossy and thinks she knows everything. Truth be told, she is pretty smart.

She’s one of many bus-drivers who live in the transportation center that is my head.

I’m quite resigned to the fact that I’ll always have a full bus. In addition to the sniveling, insecure little girl and the Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee, there are many more – my entourage goes with me wherever I go. Not that anyone consulted me about that reality – it just is.

The entourage consists of the stand-up comic, the worry wart, and the control freak, to name a few. Don’t try to console the sad girl who cries for no reason (or maybe for all the reasons), just let her cry. Then there’s the ice queen and the needy girlfriend. They hate each other. Don’t forget the tough chick or the little fat girl. They hate each other too.

Avoid rattling the psycho whatever you do.

Then there’s the martyr – she doesn’t want to be a bother to anybody. She’ll just sit quietly in the back row and not interfere. Do you need her to cancel all her plans and babysit? Of course she will! You probably won’t even notice her, mostly because the attention whore is up front doing cartwheels while holding a flaming baton between her teeth. She puts on a good show!

For the love of Pete…who allowed tequila on the bus????

The big question here is who should be driving your bus?

I have no idea who from this freak show in my head should be driving my bus. They’re all a mess and I’m tired.

Forget it. I’ll just get an Uber. I hope there’s enough room.

Sally – call me!

So who is driving your bus?