Indiscriminate Drivel

This is not a cooking blog. Never has been, never will be.

In fact, I would have been fine if I never had to post this recipe at all.  I emailed Pioneer Woman to give her the opportunity to snatch this baby up.  Twice.  But she didn’t write back so I’ll just have to do the damn job myself.  Because, people, this recipe needs to be shared!

(You should totally follow Pioneer Woman’s blog, or at least go there when you need a recipe.  She has fantastic recipes and a great way of sharing them.  Also, her books are fab and now she has a TV show too.  I’m sure she would have taken on this couscous recipe if she wasn’t so busy!)

This recipe might be my legacy to my daughters.  Well, this and chin-hair.   Both those things.

I learned it originally in a cooking class, and have only adapted it slightly.  (I use cilantro instead of mint because, in a grudge match, cilantro would kick mint’s ass.  I’m just sayin’.)

And given that I don’t know how to do a cooking blog post, you’ll just have to suffer through.  If you cry, let’s pretend it was because of the onions, OK?

Someday, I may share my guacamole recipe, or my pasta-con-broccoli (hold the broccoli) recipe.  Maybe.  But for now, I bring you couscous.

Enjoy.

Step one:  note how nice and tidy the kitchen is when we start.  That bag of onions there is just waiting for us to begin.  Other than that?  Clean.

Enjoy that for a second.  Take a deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth.  Ahhhhh….

OK, let’s get started, shall we?  We first get out all our veggies because we’re going to prep them before grilling.  So… asparagus, check.  Zucchini, check.  Portabello mushrooms, check.  Bell peppers, check.  Onions, check.  Salt, pepper, and olive oil.  Check, check, check.  And off we go…

First, if anything has those little produce stickers on, take those off when you wash your veggies.  Oh, and heck – just stick them right on the edge of the kitchen sink and it will be just like the kids were right there with you.

The stickers on the sink will help prepare for apple season if you have children.

Next, take your mushrooms and peppers and drizzle a little olive oil on and add salt and pepper.  I use the grinders just because I like a challenge, and trying to grind salt and pepper right after you’ve used olive oil is very challenging.

Next, we’re going to slice our zucchini and prep our asparagus.  I keep calling it ‘ours’ as if you guys get any of it.  Ha.  You don’t.

Now, I like the zucchini sliced kind of thick – makes it easier to grill.  But you do it how you want, OK?

Then the onions.  Oh, the onions.  They are one of my favorite parts of the recipe to eat, but they do give me such a hard time.  If I am going to slice a fingertip off, it will be during this phase of the operation.  When I manage not to slice a finger open, my husband says that the couscous doesn’t taste the same without a little blood in there.

Not only will I cry for the joy of onions, but the tears are also for the danger and stress.

In fact, it’s so dangerous that I had my daughter handle the photography for this part.  First the onion-slicing feat.

And then a glimpse of the tears.  I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I totally photo-shopped out the dark circles under my eyes as best I could  It’s been a sucktastic week and no, I don’t want to talk about it.  (Except I totally do, just not here.)  Anyway, what’s the point of photo-shopping out dark circles if you’re just going to confess to them later, right?

Ta-da!  Now all your veggies are lightly coated in olive oil and have had a liberal dusting of sea salt and pepper.

Let’s head outside…

I have to speed this up or else I’ll be here all night.  So we’re going to grill the veggies, right?  You want to grill them to your liking.  For example, the asparagus can’t be on there too long ’cause it will get all bendy and chewy – you want it crisp still.  The zucchini is perfect when it’s bendy and has lovely grill marks on it.  The peppers should stay on the hottest part of the grill until they are basically burned all over on the outside.  We’re going to peel off that burned skin and use the tender stuff underneath.  Mushrooms – you don’t want these to burn!  I usually do them up on the top rack with foil so they don’t dry out.

And my lovely onions… grill them slow but get them done well – nice and tender and some brown and black parts in there are just perfect.  So, without further delay, photos of grilling vegetables:

Peppers stay on until they’re pretty much burned all around.  They have to be burned enough that the outside skin will peel off easily after they’re cooled.  I turn the grill down a little for the onions – they do better slow-and-steady.

Until they look like this. OK, maybe another 5 or 10 minutes.

 

Now, bring it all back inside.  And did you wash that cutting board?  Well, if you didn’t, do that now.

Now all the veggies get chopped chopped chopped.

And the peppers get peeled before they get chopped – the burned skin comes off and the seeds get cleaned out. Leave some little burned bits on, though. They add flavor.

A big-ass bowl of chopped veggies. DO YOU FEEL HEALTHIER THAN A MINUTE AGO??

Let’s start on the couscous.  It’s 1 and 1/4th cup of water for each cup of couscous.  I make 4 cups of couscous, so that is 5 cups of water.  Get your water boiling and measure out your couscous.

This isn’t just plain couscous.  It’s called either pearl couscous or Israeli couscous.  It’s a bigger grain/size/whatever.  Don’t ask me.  It’s just better, I’m telling you.  This is whole wheat.  I prefer the stuff made entirely of hydrogenated high fructose corn syrup, but I guess whole wheat is better.  What I’m saying is that if Wonder Bread made couscous, I’d love theirs even if I knew it wasn’t good for me.

So once the water is boiling, add your dry couscous and turn it down to low.  Put a lid on it.  It’s meant to cook for 8-11 minutes.  I’ve found with whole wheat that it’s pretty much the 11 minutes.  You want to start checking on it sooner, though.  It’s like rice – if you overcook it, it’s all lumpy and gross.  You want the water to absorb, but you don’t want it to dry and clump.

Let’s say that you turn off the heat at 11 minutes.  Let it sit a minute, but not too much longer.  You want to add some olive oil in here to keep it from getting sticky.  I usually add the olive oil from the bottom of the pans I used for the asparagus and zucchini.  Just pour it in there and stir until your couscous is coated.

Now add the veggies. Maybe a little more olive oil.  Possibly a little salt. Make it work for you.

But we’re not done!  OH NO!  There is more delicious goodness to go in here.

If you’re me, this is the point that you run to the store because your personal shopper didn’t remember to get cilantro or mozzarella cheese.  So, let’s run to the store now, shall we?

For a big-ass batch, I get two lobes of mozzarella and a bunch of cilantro.

Add in the cheese and cilantro and voila’!

I told you I make a lot, didn’t I?

And now I’ll get all food-photo-artsy-fartsy on you. How delicious does that look?

I’ll keep some out for dinner, but the rest goes into individual serving containers.

Now we have lunch servings and quick dinners or dinner-sides for a week or more!

So that’s it, people.  That’s my specialty recipe.  I’ve made it for other occasions, but mostly I just make it for me, for us, for home and lunches and dinners and midnight snacks.

There you have it – veggie couscous is my legacy.  Well, that and chin-hair.

Now go do the dishes…