Some people ponder the great mysteries of the universe; the existence of a supreme being, the reason for life, the lyrics to that La Bamba song. Me? I’m not quite so lofty in my ponderings and tend more toward the weird and the mundane.
Most recently, I have mused over left-handed scissors. Why are scissors for lefties different? I mean, I am a lefty so I feel like I should know. I struggled with regular scissors for years as a child and eventually mastered the art of right-handed scissors, but I’ve never understood the difference between them. I mean, it’s two blades screwed together with holes for your fingers – why should left be different than right? Do we have a left-handed fork? A left-handed toothbrush?
I realized that the power of the Internet was at my fingertips. Well, not right at that moment, because I was driving home from work. But I knew that I could probably find the answer in a quick Google search once I got home.
Years ago, people would have probably had to go exploring caves to see if such answers were pictorially depicted on the cave walls. That doesn’t seem very efficient, so I’m glad to have Google and the interwebz. Still, sometimes searching for an answer on the ‘net, even in modern times, can leave you confused and scratching your head with your left hand, probably.
What would I find when I searched for answers regarding left-handed scissors? I could only imagine…
Chick-fil-A released a statement today that left-handed scissors were not in keeping with their beliefs. They have contributed millions to causes supporting actions to embed right-handed scissors into the constitution. While their company practices do not prohibit the hiring of those who use left-handed scissors, such individuals are required to refrain from all use of scissors at work and would be included in group meetings where incantations about the sacredness of right-handedness were recited aloud.
In other news, lefties everywhere have voiced a renewed commitment to beef.
Rush Limbaugh is not known for mincing words, and has come out vocally against left-handed scissoring. It is his belief that using scissors with the right hand is the right way – the American way. In his view, the lefties have poisoned the sanctity of this country and its politics with their need to have the world cater to their special, non-mainstream ways. First it’s left-handed scissors and then what? Left-handed golf clubs and next thing the damn lefties will be demanding left-handed food stamps and free carpel-tunnel surgeries for the left-handed of the country! This country was founded on good and proper right-handedness and it’s time for the people to take a stand!
Rush has also come out vehemently against childproof caps on prescription pill bottles.
Wikipedia hosts a 178 page summary of the history of left-handedness and its effect on the ability for use of scissors. The article links to related articles on various types of scissors, ambidextrousness, US patents for scissors, various uses for scissors, ergonomics, and manufacture information. Additionally, you can read about scissors in history, art, literature, music, film, sports, nature, and superstition.
Also included is an exciting gallery of images of scissors and links to related instruments such as hemostats, pliers, and nippers.
The 178 page articles is made up, primarily, of 176 pages of citations to other riveting sources about scissors.
Wikepedia does not express a moral position on left-handedness, but there is a new Wiki project under consideration and a beta of a new site called Opinapedia.
WebMD helps people to find the causes and/or risks of using a scissors with the left hand. Simply plugging in terms related to left-handed scissoring produces the following comprehensive report:
Some people have had changes in behavior, hostility, agitation, depressed mood, suicidal thoughts or actions while using left-handed scissors. Some people had these symptoms immediately, and others developed them after several weeks of use or even following the cessation of cutting with their left hands. If you, your family, or caregiver notice agitation, hostility, depression, or changes in behavior, thinking, or mood that are not typical for you, or you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, anxiety, panic, aggression, anger, mania, abnormal sensations, hallucinations, paranoia, or confusion, stop cutting with left-handed scissors and call your doctor right away. Also tell your doctor about any history of depression or other mental health problems before using scissors with your left hand, as these symptoms may worsen with use of left handed scissors.
Some people can have serious skin reactions while attempting to use left-handed scissors, some of which can become life-threatening. These can include rash, swelling, redness, and peeling of the skin.
Left-handed scissors may cause such common side effects as unstoppable diarrhea, the dry heaves, shingles and scurvy, temporary or permanent blindness and convulsions leading to a coma. Rarely, with prolonged use, other side effects may occur such as limited bladder control, loss of feeling at the extremities and festering boils.
Do not use left-handed scissors while taking Combivir or Trizivir. Amphotericin B, Aptivus, Benemid, Biaxin, dapsone, Depakote, doxorubicin, flucytosine, ganciclovir, hydroxyurea, interferon-alpha, Kaletra, methadone, pentamidine, phenytoin (Dilantin and others), ribavirin, rifampin, sulfadiazine, Valcyte, and Zerit.
Do not use left-handed scissors if you are pregnant or nursing. If you suspect that you could be pregnant, contact your doctor immediately. It is unknown if cutting left-handed affects breast milk.
Left-handed scissoring has low statistical associations with the following: cancer, epilepsy, diabetes, leprosy, rickets, elephantiasis, syphilis, and pink-eye.
Use left-handed scissors at your own risk.
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Man, what a downer WebMD is. I’m never going there again. Besides, I’m tired of being diagnosed with testicular cancer.
From now on, I’ll stick with LOLCats.
@LindaSherman Maybe. Most of it. OK, yes, it is. 🙂 Except for that first part where I was pondering left-handed scissors and realized the Internet would have my answer (it did, scissors are not symmetrical and therefore there is a different in left-and-right due to angle and all that). I couldn’t help imagining how some of these other Internet sites might apply their personalities onto it were they to provide an answer to the question. Fell kinda flat, huh? LOL
@LindaSherman Maybe. Most of it. OK, yes, it is. 🙂 Except for that first part where I was pondering left-handed scissors and realized the Internet would have my answer (it did, scissors are not symmetrical and therefore there is a different in left-and-right due to angle and all that). I couldn’t help imagining how some of these other Internet sites might apply their personalities onto it were they to provide an answer to the question. Fell kinda flat, huh? LOL
This is all tongue in cheek right?