Dear 2015

new_year_cards_happy_new_year_2015Dear 2015,

You come at me all clean and shiny, a blank page for me to write on. You should know this – I am left-handed and I smudge everything. Everything.

And yet, here we are. I turned 50 last week, you know.  Fifty. That means I’ve faced 50 clean and shiny blank pages and made it through every one of them. Every single one. That’s why I’m not afraid, and I’m quite excited.

I realize the hipsters aren’t writing resolutions anymore. I don’t know if what I do is resolution-writing or just reflecting on some themes of the year. Occasionally, I’ll set an actual goal. I remember in 2009, I decided I wold make my bed all year, and I did. Just last year, in 2014, I chose to make it a year of finding ways to give back to the community and I joined the board of a local non-profit with a mission in which I believe.

So, what of 2015? Well, I don’t want to give away all of my secrets, but there are a couple of big things I have in my mind as goals.  And then there are some themes more about how I will “be” in 2015. How I might want to calibrate the essence of me and the way that I exist in this world, interact with people.  That’s what this post is about. I might smudge it. In fact, I probably will. But here is what I aim to do.

I will apologize less.

I do care, of course. I never want to offend or hurt anyone. But I think in the past I’ve worried about bothering people too much. I will worry less and apologize less for bothering people.  I won’t apologize for my political beliefs or my weight issues or my lack-of-religion. I won’t apologize for making different choices than you or someone else. I won’t apologize because you don’t like what I did or didn’t do.

I will apologize when I am sorry about something or when I’ve done something hurtful to someone I care about. In that case, I may apologize for causing the hurt even though I won’t change my decision about what I have done or am doing.  Because sometimes what is the right decision for me may cause some hurt to someone else, even someone I love. I can promise you I will think long and hard before causing that hurt, but there are times where I will still move forward and make a choice that may cause hurt, and I will feel sorry about the hurt but not about the choice.

In 2015, I will not care so much about my job.  The stress of the job is taking a huge toll on me, and I have to draw my line and guard my boundaries.  It’s a job.  Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s a good job and I’m grateful to have it. I’m grateful for the living it provides to my family. I am grateful for the opportunities it has given me to learn and grow professionally.

But… I will not sell out my health to it, nor my sanity. I will guard those boundaries like a well-trained pit bull.

This is hard for me, y’all. I take great pride in the quality of my work. By taking care of my work-life balance, it will, by necessity, require that I let more things slip at work. Companies today are all “Do more with less!” and so we have had our people numbers diminished year over year with the expectations and responsibilities rising and I cannot let it encroach any further.

While letting things slip poses a risk of my performance measurement also slipping, that’s not even the main thing that bothers me. It’s the loss of reputation. I have built my work reputation over many years of solid performance. I am a get-things-done person and I take pride in that.  For the past couple years, I’ve continued to try to uphold that even with higher expectations and reduced resources. That isn’t sustainable. So standing this wall, guarding this boundary, means I am choosing to let my performance and reputation slip.  Hold me, I’m scared.

Perhaps those two things seem arrogant to some.  I won’t apologize. (See?? I’m starting already!)

I’ve turned off comments on my blog, so I can’t ask you what your goals or resolutions are for 2015. Not here, anyway.  I turned off comments months ago. Too much spam coming in. Too much worry in my head about not getting comments. It’s part of simplifying. It’s part of writing mostly for me regardless of what others think or don’t think.

So, 2015.  Bring it. I’m ready.

By |January 2nd, 2015|Indiscriminate Drivel, Not even a little funny|Comments Off on Dear 2015

Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee

Hi. Did you miss me?

Probably not. Anyone who is reading this probably gets huge doses of me on other platforms, Facebook, Twitter.  You didn’t get rid of me in those places, did you? What it boils down to is this – I deprive you all of a chance to miss me because I NEVER LEAVE. My most sincere apologies for that.

Let me catch up those of you who don’t keep up with me on those other platforms. The last you heard from me was in June regarding that damn  cancer diagnosis. After that? Nothing, nada. I went quiet.  I GOT BUSY, so cut me some slack. Jeez.

So, let’s review:

  • Cancer diagnosis
  • Lots of doctor appointments
  • Trip to Cancun
  • Surgery
  • Recovery
  • Move child to college
  • Radiation

BRB, need to take a nap after that.

What it boils down to is this: we’re done with cancer. The treatment is over, the prognosis is very good. They won’t use words like ‘cure’ until a sufficient amount of time has passed, but for all intents and purposes, we’re done. We moved the teen daughter to her college and she got all settled in. We’re carrying on here at Chez Linda with two out of five daughters left under our roof, which makes it much faster to get a table in a restaurant. We have that adorable grandson who gets even more adorable with every passing day. And we have another grandchild (different daughter) coming in May. We’re good here. More than good. We’re so very fortunate in so many ways.

All of this being over has left me even more time for my Twitter addiction.  This has led to an opportunity to be included in a book of funny parenting tweets.

Big-book-of-parenting-tweets-862x1024

 

It’s true! I’m in this book. Here’s the proof:

Big Book Profile Pic

 

And a little tiny sample of what kind of silliness you can expect:

linda_shorter_meme

 

OK, so it’s an anthology and only a handful of my stuff made it in there, but you have to trust me – there are many other people funnier than I am. I know – it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I was just as shocked as you are right now. I had to take a moment to pull myself together once I realized. You, too, will somehow summon the strength to go on.

This book, like my corner of Twitter itself, is hilarious.

In fact, if you want to dip your toe into the hilarity of Twitter before you make a substantial investment of $4.99, here’s how you can do that: visit Hall of Tweets.  Kate Hall is the editor for this book and she curates a regular “Funniest Tweets” list on her blog. She also does a Beyond the Bio series where she interviews people like me who neglect our jobs, marriages, children, and hygiene in order to be funny on Twitter for absolutely no other reason than to put more laughter into the world (mostly our own, we like to laugh a lot at our own jokes). Kate interviewed me recently, in case you want to avoid that page like the plague.

If you like to laugh, you’ll love this book.

For me, laughter is as essential as oxygen. It helps us get through cancer and children moving to college and the drudgery of work and every other little thing that is difficult in our lives.

Hi, I’m Linda, and I’m Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee on Laughter. We’re glad you’re here.

 

By |November 23rd, 2014|Indiscriminate Drivel, Married Life, The Parent Hood|Comments Off on Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee

The Gift of Cancer

Its a wonderful lifeIn the beginning of the epic story It’s a Wonderful Life, the camera pans to a cluster of stars way up in the sky and the audience is privy to the conversation between two angels.  They talk of George Bailey’s dilemma down on earth.

You know what I mean, right?  Picture that in your head, because this story I’m about to tell you goes kind of like that, too.  Think of those voices, of Joseph and Franklin.  Then secure in your mind the image of Clarence.

Joseph doesn’t want to send Clarence because he’s afraid that Clarence will do more harm than good. Franklin is certain that Clarence is exactly the remedy needed to save George and bring he and Mary back together surrounded by family and friends.

In the end, Clarence is sent. Annoying and unwelcome by George Bailey, he is there to do a job. He bumbles through it successfully, at which time – poof – he disappears and the only reminder of him is the ringing of a bell on a Christmas tree.

Hold those thoughts – the voices, that firmament of stars – in your mind and see an alternative version of this playing out another way.

 

Franklin:  Hello, Joseph. Trouble?

Joseph: Looks like we’ll have to send someone down. A couple named Linda and Bill need our help.

Franklin: Tell me about them, Joseph.

Joseph: They met in 1992 and had a whirlwind romance. They were married in ’93. Linda had 2 daughters already, and they have since added 3 more to their home.  They have had bumpy times over the years, like all marriages do, but none of that compares to their recent troubles.

Franklin: Tell me about their recent troubles, Joseph.

Joseph: Sir, if I did, they would sound mundane to you as a fellow angel, perhaps to many, even those who are not angels. But they are very real to them. These troubles have been taking their toll every day for quite awhile now.

Franklin: Tell me how they are in the good times, Joseph.

Joseph: Oh, it’s sickeningly sweet, sir. Even after 22 years together, they hold hands and hug and kiss. At least once a year, they slip away from home, leaving the kids in good hands, to have time to reconnect as a couple.  They enjoy each other’s company and go out together often without others, just the two of them.  They each pursue their own interests as well, but never at the expense of their time together. They plan elaborate gifts for each other, often gifts of service, and have a playfulness in private that isn’t often seen in a couple who have surpassed 20 years. They are something else, those two.

Franklin: And lately, Joseph?

Joseph: Not so good, sir. A few major issues stand between them. A lot of pain.

Franklin: Perhaps their relationship was simply not meant to be, Joseph. Has anyone thought of that? It’s unfortunate, but it sometimes happens.

Joseph: That’s just it, sir. Of the many couples we see, theirs is the type of relationship that should make it. They have love. They make each other laugh. They are compatible in so many ways that most couples aren’t. Many people are pulling for them.  If they don’t make it, sir, I fear there could be others who lose faith in love.

Franklin: Oh, that would be terrible. Yes, this is serious indeed. We’ll have to think through this carefully. How dire is their situation?

Joseph: There’s been a reprieve, some progress made, but I can’t say how long it will last. We should act quickly, sir.

Franklin: I have just the thing, Joseph. Cancer.

Joseph:  Cancer, sir? Isn’t that a bit harsh?

Franklin: It’s a serious situation, Joseph. We need something serious to focus the two of them, so they will pull together in a positive way, to take their minds away from those mundane issues that are wearing them down.

Joseph: But CANCER, sir?

Franklin: We’ll give them a type that has a good prognosis.  We’ll watch over them. There will be many who love them who will help them through – many prayers.  They’ll come out of it stronger than ever.

Joseph: I trust your wisdom, sir. I’ll see to it immediately.

 

The movie It’s a Wonderful Life is more than just a love story. It’s a reminder that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts – that a life well lived doesn’t lack for troubles, but comes to grips with them with the help of family and friends, and occasionally complete strangers who claim to be angels.

So here’s the deal.  My husband has a lump in his neck. It’s cancer, and I’ve decided to name the tumor Clarence.  And with the support of all our family and friends, we’re going to get through this and by the time we have our Christmas tree up, Clarence will have disappeared without any evidence he was ever there, and when we hear the ringing of a little bell, we’ll nod and smile.  We all just have to believe.

We’re not there yet. Christmas is months away. For now, this next part of our journey together is just beginning, Bill’s and mine. It will include surgery and beams of radiation and chemotherapy.

Even though we make our plans, sometimes life leads us in a different direction, and sometimes it’s the way we need to go for reasons we can’t even conceive of yet. This path isn’t one we planned for or wanted to take, but we’re taking it together.  That’s what matters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clarence is gone. He was ruthlessly cut out in July of this year. After that, the area that he called home was blasted with 6 weeks of radiation therapy so it would be completely inhospitable for any progeny Clarence might have left behind.

Bill and I are doing fine. Better than fine – we’re doing great.

Thank you, Clarence!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

08/21/2017 About a year after he was declared free of cancer, our marriage had a death blow from which we could not recover. I un-published so many blog posts, including this one, because it just hurt way too much. But it happened and these are my words, this is my truth. What I felt, I felt. So here it stands again, for what it’s worth. Just one chapter in the rise and fall of a marriage. Life goes on.

 

 

 

 

By |June 19th, 2014|Indiscriminate Drivel, Married Life|Comments Off on The Gift of Cancer